How to Create the Perfect Guest List for your Wedding
Advice 17.10.2022
Chances are you’ve booked the venue before you’ve even start thinking about the ins and out of the guest list. And you may have already talked to the caterers about the price per head, so you have an idea of the budget and the sort of numbers you’ll be catering for.
So now’s the time to get down to the nitty gritty and think about creating your guest list. Here’s how to do it.
Write a list of everyone you’d invite (if space and budget wasn’t a consideration)
With your partner, (and possibly your parents and future in-laws) write down everyone you know, from family members and friends to work colleagues, neighbours, friends of the family, pals from the gym and the people you met on a gap year who now live in Australia.
This is your master list. Now you need to decide who stays on and who doesn’t make the cut.
A list guests
Start with the handful of people that 100% have to be there. If you were having a wedding for only 10 or 20 guests, these are the 10 or 20 you’d invite. They may be close friends or immediate family, but these are non-negotiable A listers.
Family members
Some couples insist on going 50/50 on the guest list and having the same number of family members from each side. This works well if your families are similar in size. But if one of you is an only child and the other has four siblings, things will get tricky.
The number of family members who are invited may depend on how many friends you want to invite. Chances are you both want to invite parents, grandparents and siblings. Bur decide early on whether you’re going to invite all the aunts and uncles and cousins as well.
If older relatives are too frail or too unwell to attend you might want to think about visiting them for a special meal beforehand or streaming the service live, so they get to see you on screen.
Friends of the family
If your parents or in-laws are footing some of the bill, they’re going to want to have some say on who makes the list. Remember this is your wedding though. You may want to say yes to family friends who you have known since you or your partner since you were small. But say no to friends in your parent’s social circle who you’ve never met.
Not-seen-for-ages family members
Your mother may be insisting on inviting a cousin who emigrated 20 years ago, but your wedding isn’t a family reunion - it’s your wedding. If you haven’t seen or spoken to a family member for years don’t feel obligated to invite them. Encourage your parents to hold their own big birthday or anniversary celebration and invite that long distance relative to their party instead.
Close friends
Of course you want your close friends there on your special day. There are some friends that are an important part of your life and will be added to your list without a second thought. But if numbers are limited, you may need to make the decision between old school or university friends you haven’t seen for years and more recently acquired friends you’ve become close to.
This is a tough one. It may be tempting to invite your school buddies for old times’ sake. But you’re not going to get much chance to catch up with them on the day anyway.
Some friends may need to be added to a ‘Maybe’ list for later if some other guests are unable to attend.
Plus Ones
If budget and numbers are unlimited include a plus one for everyone. But chances are you’re going to have to create some kind of rule as to who does and doesn’t get an invitation. Lots of couples only invite partners of guests if they live together or are in a long-term relationship, or if they’ve met them before. But you might also want to think about who else that person knows if they have to come on their own. If the answer is no-one, it’s probably a good idea to include a plus one on their invitation.
Children
Some couples will invite all the kids they know. But it’s also perfectly ok to have a child-free wedding. And this is especially true if you’re having an evening ceremony, or a late sit-down wedding breakfast or a full-on rave into the wee, small hours.
It’s worth spelling it out on the invitations with something along the lines of: “As much as we love your children, our wedding will be an adults-only occasion.” As a result, you may have to accept that some friends or family members will be unable to attend.
Some couples opt to invite some children and not others. Again, it’s worth being specific on the invitation. Include something on the invites to make it clear. “Our wedding will be adults-only occasion apart from our bridesmaids, close family and our godchildren.”
People who invited you to their wedding
This can be a tough one. But if someone invited you to their wedding over a year ago and you haven’t seen or spoken to them since, don’t feel obliged to invite them to yours. If you attended their wedding in the last 12 months you may want to invite them, especially if you have mutual friends.
Work colleagues
You see these people every day so it’s tempting to send them an invitation, especially as they’ve heard you go on about your wedding plans for months. But unless your colleagues come under the close friends’ category and you and your partner spend a lot of time with them out of work, it’s ok not to invite them.
Tell them it’s close friends and family only and have an after work happy hour drinks a few Fridays before the big day.
Stagger your invites
Send out the first batch of your invitations eight weeks before the wedding. (If some guests are traveling, you may need to make that 12 weeks.) Chances are the people that can’t make it will let you know very quickly. Then you can add a few more guests to the list and send out their invites with your second batch of invitations.
Remember. This is your wedding day. You want to look up at any moment during the ceremony or wedding breakfast or evening’s entertainment and see the faces of people you love and who are thrilled to be celebrating your big day with you. Happy guest list creating.